I was playing That Which Gave Chase (2023) and stumbled upon this note. They read my mind. These've been my thoughts now and then, indeed. 🌀

At that moment, I figured that it’d be a great topic to reflect on.

ADHDers often oscillate between "I'm a great, badass, capable person/creator/parent/{role_of_your_choice}" and "I'm a poor, incompetent, lazy ass." I'm no exception.

Such jumping back and forth can be explained by the lack of dopamine, or, better to say, the lack AND incorrect regulation of dopamine. By default, we produce less dopamine in our brains than neurotypical people do. However, even when our brains produce enough dopamine and it's correctly passed between neurons, there might be other functional issues within ADHD brains. This leads to a spectrum of consequences, one of which is a difficulty or even an inability—literally, I-NA-BI-LI-TY—to accept ourselves as we are. Instead, we might see ourselves as much worse.

Self-acceptance is a skill. It can be a challenging one to achieve even for a neurotypical person, let alone someone with self-regulation issues. But still, it's an achievable skill. For ADHDers, it maybe frustratingly difficult to pursue this skill only, but as part of a complex therapy? Feasible, luckily for us 🥹

I can say for myself that it took me the last 20 years to get close to healthy self-acceptance, without underestimating or overestimating who I am. There's still work to do, but I'm closer than ever. I can definitely say that this screenshot reminded me a lot of my own attitude, but I can't say I've been feeling like that in the last half a year or so.

So, I accept that some people like what I write and how I write. I've got evidence that my stories and non-fiction posts have positively affected some people now and then. Good. I can't say that I similarly accept other aspects of myself and my life, but that's not the point of this discussion.

The point is, I want to believe (not like Fox Mulder, lol) that if I managed to get closer to healthy self-acceptance, even if it took me so long, so can everyone else. If this topic resonated with you, let me say that I know what you feel. You're not alone in this; you can make things better.